1st Draft Complete

And, it's a shit show. Great way to start out the blog, huh? 

Actually, it's exactly what it needs to be. Apparently, this is the way it typically goes. There is a reason why Anne Lamott calls it the Shitty First Draft, or as we like to call it in our book writing group, Raw First Draft. That feels more accurate. It's a getting down of the ideas, concepts and things that are burning inside, aching to be given voice. Ultimately in my case (as in many author's cases) about 90% of it is unusable for the purpose of this memoir.

Rather than feeling defeated, I actually feel relieved. Those concepts are no longer rattling around in my brain taking up space. I now have room to allow for the true direction this book wants to take. I have clarity where there was just chaos before. My dream of this book being a great big hug for you; a feeling of coming home makes so much more sense now. 

I am still terrified. I am afraid I won't do the book justice. I am afraid I will disappoint you, my reader. I am afraid I will get in to the 2nd draft and once again feel lost and aimless. I am afraid I won't have the guts to see it through to completion (probably the main reason why I made sure to hire a book coach). Most of all I am afraid the vision of what I have in my head will not be accurately translated in to this physical object that will be shared with you. 

Setting the fears aside is a process and a practice in itself. It reminds me of my year of hugs. Every morning I woke up I had to practice finding the courage once again to ask strangers for hugs. Now the practice will be finding the courage to face my fears and write anyway. One thing I learned through both hug journeys (I will share more about these to give you context in future posts) was that my determination and stubbornness to achieve my desire was greater than any obstacle. May that be so for this book.